It Was All Octavia's Fault
by Jude81
Summary: Part 1 of The Couch Series. What happens when a certain couple is caught? Yes, this is humor, smut, slight angst, more humor, maybe some fluff. Hopefully this is funny. This is complete in 2 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

The young brunette leaned back on the table groaning quietly as she felt her lover's lips skate across her sensitive neck. It felt so good. She hadn't realized that her lover had such a talented tongue until a few weeks ago, and now she couldn't get enough of it. She shuddered slightly as she felt the lips purse against her skin and suck lightly on her pulse-point.

The brunette sat up slightly, grabbing at the woman in front of her, her fingers scrabbling at her belt as she quickly undid it and practically ripped open the other woman's jeans in her excitement. She leaned slightly off the table and in to the warm body in front of her and slid her hand down the front of her jeans and into her underwear, shuddering in her excitement as her fingers found the slickness they were seeking. She stole the groan from her lover's mouth and drank it in letting it fill her senses and flash throughout her body. She felt her lover's arms tighten around her slim waist and felt her lips push hard against her own for a brief second and then kiss down her throat again.

"Mmmmm, more, please" she whispered trying to keep her voice down as she wiggled slightly on the table opening her legs wider and pulling the woman in between them with her other hand. She gripped her hip tighter and brought her legs up around, effectively entrapping the other woman. Not that her lover was complaining, she was right where she wanted to be, between the young brunette's legs.

She shifted again on the table unable to sit still under the onslaught of her lover's warm wet tongue. She stifled another moan, as she slid her fingers along her lover's sex loving the feel of the woman shuddering against her. She could hear people outside, and it had probably been a bad idea to start this in her hut, but when she had seen her lover look at her with that sweet smirk, she just couldn't resist kissing her; and now she was on her table naked from the waist up. She really couldn't find it in herself to care too much.

She jerked hard when she hear the door of her hut bang open and three people stepped through, two of whom were talking animatedly only to fall into a deafening silence at the sight that greeted them.

The two lovers froze, caught in the act, one with her hand down her lover's underwear, and the other with her arms wrapped around her sucking on her neck.

"Holy shit, Raven! Abby! Damn!" crowed Octavia as she laughed at the scene in front of her: Raven sitting half-naked on her table surrounded by a jumble of wires and metal. Abby standing there with her arms wrapped tight around Raven, with her jeans open and the girl's hand trapped down them. She sputtered at the sight of Octavia, and Lexa, and Clarke. Oh God. Clarke. They were dead.

Lexa gazed impassively at the scene in front of her, refusing to acknowledge that she was slightly impressed with Abby. She didn't think the other woman had it in her to pursue the young mechanic, believing that Abby would be too wrapped up in her concern over their age difference. Age difference wasn't something the Trikru particularly cared about. It was hard to care about age, when everyone died young on a violent earth. No, she hadn't thought Abby had it in her, but she obviously did, and Raven had obviously been amenable to being with Abby. Very amenable judging from the scene in front of her.

Clarke stood there in absolute shock, barely seeing her mother and her friend scramble off the table desperately trying to get their clothing back in order. No, she hadn't seen one of her closest friends with her hand down her mother's pants doing something she definitely didn't want to think about. She gritted her teeth, willing herself not to gouge out her own eyes or start screaming incoherently.

Octavia smirked as Abby and Raven scrambled to put their clothing back in order, tripping over each other and knocking items off of the table in their haste.

"Oh my god! I mean! Oh my god!" sputtered the mechanic as she flailed around trying to put her shirt back on as Abby tried desperately to zip up her jeans, finally giving up and just buttoning them, shoving the end of her belt through the loop, ignoring that the hooks weren't lined up correctly.

"Look, Clarke. Lexa. We can explain. I mean I can explain." Abby grabbed at Raven's flailing arms, eyeing her strangely silent daughter out of the corner of her eye. She helped the girl put her arms through the arm holes. The wrong arm holes. Her shirt was on backwards by the time they were done fumbling around, but Abby didn't care. As long as she was clothed. Everyone had already seen too much of her young lover's naked flesh as far as she was concerned.

The blonde threw her hand up in the air ignoring everyone in the room, trying to process what she had seen. She just needed a moment of silence to wrap her head around what she had seen. If she could just concentrate hard enough, she could pretend that she hadn't seen her mother unabashedly sucking on her friend's neck, and instead had just been giving her a perfectly routine health examination. With her tongue.

And then Octavia opened her big mouth.

"Way to go, Raven! Didn't know you had it in you!" laughed Octavia as she threw up her hand to give Raven a high-five. Raven just glared at her, while Abby looked on completely aghast, her mouth dropping open as she looked worriedly back and forth between Raven and her daughter.

That erupted Clarke out of her silence. Hard.

"What the fuck?! What the actual fuck, Octavia? Why are you high-fiving her?! You don't get to high-five her! No! Bad, Octavia! There will be no high-fives, no high-fiving! Ever! We don't high five people WHO ARE…ARE! I mean…she is fu-fu…oh my god, I can't even say it!" moaned the blonde as she turned away and buried her face in her hands, desperately trying to un-see Raven sitting on the metal table with her shirt off and her mother with her arms around Raven's slim waist doing things…unspeakable things to Raven's neck with her mouth.

Her mother, her own mother for crap's sake!

Lexa merely cocked her head, noting the blush of red that was still crawling up Abby and Raven's cheeks. She calmly placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder, hoping to offer her at least some comfort, although she wasn't entirely sure what had the Skai Prisa upset. After all, sex was perfectly normal and something to be celebrated. She and Clarke certainly celebrated a lot. She smirked at the thought.

"Fucking? Banging our moms?" suggested Octavia helpfully. Clarke whirled around all but snarling at Octavia, her eyes gleaming, and a small trace of spittle flying out of her mouth.

"Shut the fuck up, O! How would you like it if I was banging your mom?"

Lexa narrowed her eyes slightly. She wasn't entirely sure what this banging was, but she could hazard a guess; and she did not like the thought of Clarke banging anyone but her. She glared at Octavia and then Raven and Abby, who both looked away guilty. She wasn't entirely sure whose fault this was. She glared at Octavia again who was snickering slightly. Never mind, it was all Octavia's fault.

Octavia finally had the grace to look slightly guilty as she shuffled her feet and then shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry, Clarke, but since my mom is dead, 'cuz you know, she was floated and shit for having me, and Raven's mom is also dead; I guess that just…" and with that her voice trailed off slowly and her eyes widened as she finally took note of the tense lines of Clarke's body and the way she was glaring at Octavia.

"Um…I mean, well…"

"Well what, O?" replied Clarke in a silky voice, as she stepped closer to Octavia, studiously ignoring how close Raven was standing next to her mother, actually in front of her as if to protect her from Clarke. Clarke would deal with them later.

"Say it, O, you were so happy to be giving out high-fives a minute ago, why not now? Why not say what you were going to say? Hmmmmm…?"

Lexa stepped forward quickly, her eyes widened suddenly worried about what Clarke might do to Octavia. She couldn't afford to lose Indra's second, it would make Indra grumpy; and Lexa would prefer not to deal with a grumpy Indra.

"Look, Clarke, it wasn't what it looked like." Raven piped in, feeling guilty at Clarke's display of wrath at Octavia, after all this was really Raven's fault. She should have locked the damn door on her hut. Her eyes narrowed slightly, then again, this situation wouldn't be as bad as it was if Octavia hadn't tried to high-five her. Yes, it was definitely Octavia's fault.

"Shut. Up. I will deal with you later," hissed Clarke. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her mother open her mouth as if to object, and Clarke beat her to it.

"Don't. Don't you dare say a word." Abby wisely chose to shut her mouth, unfortunately Octavia wasn't always one to heed the warnings, and she glared at Clarke.

"Well, O? I'm waiting."

Octavia had never been one to back down from a challenge, and it was a habit she would soon regret as she raised her head and glared at Clarke for a minute longer, and then let the cocky, self-assured smile cross her lips.

"Well, Clarke, guess that means your mom is the only bangable mom around!" smirked Octavia. "Sorry, Abby, no disrespect." Abby nodded, about to reassure Octavia that she understood, when the air was split with a roar and Clarke launched herself at Octavia.


	2. The Couch

"You! You!" the blonde screamed incoherently as she grabbed at Octavia, only to find herself grabbing at empty air. She felt the strong arms wrapped around her waist hauling her back out of Octavia's reach. She ignored the fact that Raven had jumped in front of her mother, pushing her back gently against the wall to protect her from the oncoming fight. She would deal with that later too. As soon as she kicked Octavia's ass.

She let out a yowl as she continued to punch and kick her feet out uselessly in the air as Octavia backed away from her, and Lexa held her in the air out of reach.

"Clarke, stop. Hitting Octavia won't solve this," puffed the brunette as she tried to grab at the blonde's flailing limbs and still pull her back well out of reach of Octavia. She grunted sharply when she felt the blow from a wildly swung elbow. Octavia would pay for this. And so would Raven. Yes, they were both at fault here. Octavia more so. She was going to have a bruise.

"No, but it will make me feel a damn site better!" yelled the blonde as she continued to try to wriggle her way out of Lexa's grasp. She huffed and threw herself at the cage of Lexa's arms, ignoring the grunts from her companion as she landed a couple of elbows in her ribs and stomach. She would feel bad about it later. Right now, she needed to teach Octavia some respect, and then she would teach Raven some respect. She would teach Raven not to fu-fu- do nasty things to her mother! She would teach her at the sharp end of a pointy object. Yes, that was a sound plan and she was looking forward to it.

She tried to throw herself out of Lexa's arms again, and only succeeded in tripping and bringing them both crashing to the floor. Lexa landed heavily on her side, half on the squirming, kicking blonde. She growled and threw herself on top of her back, and grabbed at her thrashing arms.

"Clarke, stop, please. Let's talk about this," pleaded Abby as she stepped out from behind Raven, gently pushing her young lover's arms from around her waist when she tried to stop her.

"It will be ok," she murmured and kissed the mechanic on the cheek. She made her way quickly over to Clarke and squatted down next to her daughter who was cursing under her breath.

"Honey, please. I know this is a shock, but it's ok. Please let me explain. Let's all just take a few deep breathes and try to calm down. Octavia is sorry for what she said." Abby glared meaningfully at Octavia and jerked her head slightly in Clarke's position from where she finally lay still panting on the ground.

"Um, yeah, Clarke. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was stupid." Octavia gingerly took a couple of steps forward, until she was right in front of the three. She threw a glance at Raven who stood there flexing her hands as if trying to restrain herself from grabbing Abby.

Lexa slowly eased some of her weight off of Clarke once she felt her take a few deep shuddering breathes. She leaned down and kissed a red, sweaty cheek.

"Ok, Clark? Let's do what Abby said. Let's talk about it. And if you are still angry, you can punch Octavia."

"Hey!" protested the brunette. "Why should I get punched? I'm not the one who was bang-I mean, I'm not the one who is…you know what, never mind. You can punch me." She quickly gulped at Lexa's glare.

"Ok. Ok. Let me up. I'm good."

Lexa clambered off the blonde and gently grabbed her hand pulling her to her feet. She positioned herself slightly to the side and in between the three of them. She spared a glance at the mechanic who had remained mostly silent throughout the exchange.

The blonde huffed and refused to meet anyone's eyes for a moment and then looked beyond her mother and arched her eye at Raven.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"

Raven flushed slightly and stammered before walking over the four to stand next to Abby, she started to wrap her arm around Abby's waist but thought better of it when Clarke loudly cleared her throat and glared pointedly at Raven's arm. She let it drop to her side.

"Look, Clark. I…I mean we…" she trailed off unsure of how to explain what she felt to her friend. She relaxed slightly when she felt the warmth of Abby's body as she shuffled closer to her.

"I'm in love with your mom!" she gasped out and then quickly slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes slightly wild. She pretended not to hear the gasp next to her.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn! That is awesome, Raven!" cheered Octavia.

Lexa quickly thrust her arms into the space between Clarke and everyone else as she prepared herself for Hurricane Clarke.

"Awesome?! Awesome!?" her voice squeaked out as she looked frantically between her mother and Raven, noting the soft look on Abby's face and Raven's shining eyes as they gazed at each other.

"Awesome? Oh…yuck" muttered the blonde as she threw her hands up in the air at the sight of Abby leaning in to Raven and kissing her gently on the cheek with a huge smile on her face.

"But how did this happen? When did this happen!? Actually, you know what? I don't even want to know. I don't even care, anymore. Just know this," and she jabbed her finger at the both of them, "you'd both better keep it in your pants while I'm around." She hesitated in her tirade, noting how they weren't even paying attention to her anymore, just gazing softly at each other, matching smiles on their faces. It was…sweet. Positively sickeningly sweet. She growled and then sighed.

" A-and you'd better not hurt each other, because I love you both; and I couldn't bear to see you either of you hurt. So just, just be careful. Don't hurt each other," she whispered. "Oh, and Raven? Lock your damn door!"

"Yes, Clarke" they both said in unison as they smiled. Raven quickly grabbed Abby's arm and started to pull her from the room, but stopped when she heard Lexa's voice.

"See, Klark, everything is fine. There was no need to get upset."

Octavia groaned quietly. This was not going to end well. Stupid Heda.

Dead silence. Dead fucking silence. Raven and Abby held their breath waiting for the eruption as Lexa appeared entirely unperturbed and made the mistake of opening her mouth again.

"Sex is nothing to be ashamed of, Klark. It is actually quite common in the Trikru for an elder to take a young, virile warrior as their lover. It keeps the elder young and energetic, and it teaches the young warrior restraint and prowess. Raven is obviously young and virile, and Abby is both beautiful and wise. I'm sure they enjoy sex quite often. It is good for them both. It is good for everyone."

Octavia peeked at the blonde as she unsuccessfully tried to hide behind her hands. It was too quiet. Clarke was barely breathing and she glanced worriedly at Raven and Abby, who just barely shook her head indicating Octavia should just keep her mouth shut. She wisely listened.

"Beautiful? Did you just call my mother beautiful?"

"Yes, is that not the right word?" Lexa's English wasn't always as good as she wished, and she especially had trouble with colorful adverbs. "Hot. Yes, your mother is hot. I believe Octavia used that word once." Lexa smiled, proud of herself for getting the word correct.

"I see. You think my mother is hot. Well, DEAR, I hope the fact that you think my mother is hot comforts you, because you won't be getting laid again any time soon." And with that Clarke turned sharply and stomped out of the room shoving past Abby and Raven.

Raven grimaced and offered Lexa a glance of sympathy before quickly ushering Abby out of the room.

"Ouch. That's gonna hurt, Heda. Good luck with that." And Octavia also slipped from the room leaving a confused Lexa behind her.

Lexa stood there staring blankly at the wall, unsure of what had just happened and why both Raven and Octavia had looked at her with such sympathy. She wasn't entirely sure what "laid" meant, but judging by the looks on their faces, NOT getting laid was a bad thing.

She quickly left the room in search of her blonde companion whom she found in her tent. She strode across the room to stand next to Clarke who was leaning slightly over the table looking at some maps. The blonde didn't even glance at her. She peeled off her arm guards and let one of them fall with a thump on the table, but the blonde never even twitched. The brunette huffed and dropped the other arm guard on the table, putting a little force behind the drop. Still nothing.

"Are you ignoring me now, Klark? Don't you think that is childish?" She tried to muffle her growl of irritation when the blonde still held her silence. She strode past her and to the back room of her tent where her bed was. She threw off her coat and dropped it on the small table in the room, noting a pair of the blonde's underwear lying haphazardly on the floor. Her lips twitched as she remembered when she had taken them off the blonde last night, almost ripping them in her haste. They hadn't finally fallen asleep until just a few hours before dawn too caught up in each other to bother sleeping until their exhausted, sweaty bodies simply collapsed into each other.

She picked up the underwear and held them for a moment, smiling at the feel of the soft cotton. Her smile faded as she glanced out into the outer room noticing that the blonde still had her back to her. She sighed and dropped the underwear on the bed.

She walked back into the outer room and hesitated a moment before walking up behind the Skai Prisa and slipping her arms around her waist. She felt the warm body stiffen slightly against her own, but she ignored it and leaned down ghosting her lips across the side of her neck.

Clarke was tempted to angle her neck to give Lexa better access, but she remembered that she was still pissed at Lexa, so instead she hunched her neck effectively blocking Lexa's access. She felt the arms tighten around her, and she bumped back hard into Lexa's crotch to give her more room and turned in her arms.

She gazed up at the dark green eyes that warmed only for her and did her best to not smile at the beautiful face.

"Leska," she whispered as she trailed a hand up the brunette's face smiling as the eyes fluttered shut and the taller girl pushed gently into her body trying to back her into the table.

"Leska," she coaxed again as she leaned in and brushed her lips across the chin in front of her, sucking lightly on the rounded curve. She smiled into the sweet skin when she felt the other girl's breath hitch.

"Look at me."

Warm green eyes slowly opened and tangled with bright blue. Lexa smiled down at her.

"Mmmmmm…what, Klark?" she asked lazily her mind slowly fogging with the warmth of the body in her arms and the memories of the previous night. She just wanted to rest in the blonde's arms and kiss her and then take her to bed, feel their bare skin slide against each other. She smiled and her eyes drifted closed again as she leaned in and rubbed her nose gently along Clarke's.

"Leska, do you know what a couch is?" she whispered.

It took a moment for the question to register in her addled mind, but then her eyes popped open.

"What? A couch? I do not know of what you speak, Klark."

"Well, darling…" The brunette smiled at the endearment and gazed almost dopily at the blonde again, not entirely listening to her.

"Focus, Leska. A couch is sort of like a half-bed and half-table where people, before the war, used to sit and socialize. We really don't have couches anymore, at least not like they used to. But anyway, couches also served another important function." She pulled back slightly from the brunette and grasped her chin in her hand and gently squeezed to get her attention.

"As I was saying, a couch served another purpose. When a person did something that angered their partner or spouse that person was sent out of their bed and made to sleep on the couch. Alone. Alone, Leska." The blonde pulled away Lexa and smirked at the confused brunette.

"You, Lexa, are going to sleep on the couch tonight. Well, we don't really have a couch, but you are not sleeping in bed with me tonight." And with that the blonde turned and started to walk back towards the small room stripping off her jacket as she went.

"Wait!" the brunette fumbled and tripped as she hastily tried to follow the blonde. She grabbed her gently by the arm, forcing her to stop.

"I don't understand. You are not allowing me to sleep in bed with you? Tonight?"

"Oh you understand perfectly," the blonde cooed sweetly at the brunette. "You are banished from my bed tonight."

"Your bed?!" yelped the brunette as she crossed both arms over her chest and glared at the blonde, "It is my bed with my furs, in my tent!"

"That doesn't matter. You are not sleeping in bed with me tonight. You have to sleep on the couch."

"B-but, there is no couch!" The brunette gestured wildly around the tent, "do you see a couch, Klark?! There is no couch! I do not possess one of these things. Where will I sleep?" growled the brunette as she felt her irritation grow. What had she done to get herself kicked out of her own bed? She wasn't the one who had tried to congratulate Raven. Surely the blonde would see reason?

"Look, Klark. It wasn't me who was doing those things to your mother, banging her, or whatever Octavia said," the brunette ignored the warning growl from the blonde. "Nor did I try to slap palms with Raven, plus this is my bed. You cannot kick Heda out of her own bed. It would make me look weak." She grinned triumphantly at the blonde, pleased with her reasoning.

"Watch me." And with that the blonde glared at her companion and walked into the smaller room and released the straps holding back the leather wall that divided the small room from the bigger room, effectively locking Lexa out.

Lexa stood there, slightly flabbergasted, unsure how this had happened. It had been such a good day too. They had woken up together satiated from the night before. They had hunted and brought back wild boar to feed their clan. They had laughed and played in a nearby stream. They had kissed lazily in the sunlight. It had been such a good day!

She strode over to her throne, throwing herself into it and leaned her head back. She gazed at the stars that she could see through one of the top openings and sighed. How the hell did this happen to her? How did she get banished to this couch thing that she didn't even possess? She glared at the stars silently.

It was obviously all Octavia's fault.

FIN.

Maybe this needs a sequel? Thoughts?


	3. Sequel is posted

The Sequel to "It Was All Octavia's Fault" is now posted: The Couch. Hope you enjoy!


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